So the other day I told you what I did over this summer. And I forgot to mention something pretty important,pretty big, I can describe it in one word, Oscar.
My neighbor Oscar finally got his braces off. He has perfect teeth so he only has to wear the retainer for two years, so that's good.
and in addition to that, I actually agreed to host the academy awards again this year.
So...I hosted in 2007, it was fun, it was an honor,and it's a big decision,you know ,and I...I really...they called and said
how about it this year,and I was like,ehhh,it's a big decision,and I want to think about it.
And the way I deal with big decisions is,I think a lot of people do this, I make a pros and cons list.
And I thought I would take you on a journey inside of my mind, which is scary, hold on.
And I though I'd read you some pros and cons from my list that I... so umm...
This is my cvs receipt, this is not...
I keep that with me in case I have to return anything,at all times,always,even during...when I do a show, I always have it with me.
Now it's in my sock.
That's where I keep my pros and cons list.
Now I'm gonna have to change my hiding place,because...
Ok, so here's a pro: I get to perform in fromt of 60 millon people.
Con: Oh my god, 60 million people watch that thing.
pro: I'll be invited to all the cool oscar after parties.
con: I'd like to be tucked in by 7:30.
pro: Meryl Streep could get a record 17th Oscar Nomination.
con: Hashtag we're over it,Meryl.
pro: A lot of fancy designers will wanna approach me and want me to wear a beautiful,expensive gown of theirs.
con: Ain't no way in hell I'm wearing a gown.
pro: I've done that before,the second time should be even better.
con: My second sitcom got canceled after five minutes.
pro: If I'm on stage hosting,I won't be sitting on my couch drinking margaritas.
con: If I'm on stage hosting,I won't be sitting on my couch drinking margaritas.
pro: The theater holds 3000 seats.
con: It's gonna take 45 minutes to dance throught all those aisles.
Which is crazy,'cause... look how... It doesn't take me that long to dance through here.